No, not those weilded by an insane Britney; I mean the spiky terrors carried around London in our current wet spell. Now, Agent Triple P hates umbrellas at the best of times as they are hazourdous in the extreme to someone of our height. Even worse, we have decided, than open ones are those carried under the arms of people in confined spaces such as the corridors of the Underground or along Oxford Street. Don't carry these dangerous implements horizontally! They stick out behind you further than you think and, given our sensitive areas are still somehat sensitive from our nasty operation, we don't appreciate spikes swaying around near our nether regions. If a similar shaped load was being carried on a lorry it would have to have a protective rubber ball, or some such, covering the spike. This should be compulsory for umbrellas being carried in built up areas!
